Part III: The “Just Friend Material:”

He’s an easy to get along with and downright funny Guy. Good looking, charming and a people’s man. His identity will remain anonymous but let me take this chance to acknowledge and thank him for bringing in his friends to our booth. Our experience of him is truly a memorable one for he has brought liveliness, fun and trust in our experience of the market encounter. He is trustworthy of being a good friend and a positive contributor to society. Thank you for sharing yourself to us.

Much as he is a positive man and it is really his greatest strength, like all of us, there will be something about us that we will doubt. And this brings me to my next story. Like this compilation’s theme, he is also out there in search of a Love relationship.

The dillemma goes something like this; a very friendly guy, loved by his friends, and having different networks of friends. He sets his eye on a girl that he likes, as the pursue progresses he would experience verbal or non-verbal rejection of the love offered. And most of the time he would get an answer: “We’re better off as friends.” And so, he takes it in, feel the pain, let it go and moves on to the next pursuit. The process is both respectable and gloomy.

The doubt kicks in after a failed number of pursuits. Doubting that he is not good enough for a relationship. The fear of rejection actually subsided due to the getting used to of the process. Hence, giving up is the easiest resort and just prepare for the next one that catches his eye. But that gives away another concealed fear of anticipating another fate of failure.

Going deeper to the root of all evil(rejections), we’ve unconvered another example of trauma. A trauma that has been lurking through his years and subconsciously playing the same pattern in his life. Apparently in the past, there was this very special girl that he pursued and because of broken agreements that has not been settled, it was internalized as not being treated special and worst, a belief of completely being rejected as a boyfriend material.

It is important to note however that the first act of rejection did not actually come directly from the other person. But the idea of rejection, again like most of us, is intensified by our own mind.

And so he humbly inquires for an opinion to hopefully gather a better understanding and seek out to reverse his fate of the pursuits.

Here are some thoughts:

Acceptance of Self: Like most rejections that we’ve encountered in the past, we tend to focus our attention on our selves and look for what is wrong in us. Since our mind is very clever it will always go down to a conclusion and find reasons to look down on ourself. However, there are events that we fail to recognize or overlooked which better explains why a particular consequence happened. But it is always easier to blame ourselves for not being good enough.

Part of being honest and respect to self is totally Accepting yourself. The humility to accept who we are not, what we don’t have and what we don’t know and cannot do. But the esteem to recognize and acknowledge who we are, what we are good at, what we confidently know, your good traits, your achievements, what you are capable of and what we can still achieve. It is our own responsibility to Accept and respect our own identity, so that others will consequently accept and respect you for who you are.

Love your Self: See Part I & II. Believe that you have the best traits of being a boyfriend or partner and your potential mate will actually feel and recognize that she is lucky to have you.

Changing Strategies: Sometimes though, the solution to pursuits such as this, especially for Men, simply put, is do a little twitching to the strategy.  Like, if the friends-first, ligaw-later is not working anymore there might be an Off process somewhere. So you might want to look, assess and even research how to effectively sweep the girl off his feet much better than your previous style. 

Follow Through: In our society, where we take pride of still having a conservative and christian culture. The hard-to-get character of women are still very rampant. That being the case, if you are clear about your intentions in loving a person and you’re openly honest with it. Allow yourself to confidently follow through with your intention. You’ll never know, like any hard-to-gets, they will raise their white flags eventually. 

Book of Answers: PAY ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS

GIVE IT ALL YOU’VE GOT

DON’T IGNORE THE OBVIOUS

Part II. The “I Love You Bestfriend, but He Doesn’t Know:”

This is a cute one, we’ve encountered a lot of guy-girl friendships and there are various similarities of stories. Example of which is there is one who falls in love with the other, and a relative amount of them are girls who fall in the category of the one smitten. They are exciting and fun to watch, how close their friendships really are, how one conceals the in-love emotions, and how the other one is clueless about it or just really in denial of it.

The Pain would normally occur when the guy shares a Love interest story about another girl, seemingly disregarding the feelings of the one “in-love.” The girl in-love would then feel the pain of not having a mutual feeling from the good friend. Since the feelings are concealed the guy will end up wondering why the relationship turned sour at that point. However, much of these emotions are not spoken and communicated.

However cute it is to observe, there is a big chunk of Unhappiness and Confusion in the air especially from the one smitten. They were open enough to share their lives and the confusions of their situations. Much of where they are coming from is Fear, fear of rejection and losing a good friend. However what is unsettling for these youth is how they are nurturing the Unhappiness of a Love unreciprocated, or is it really the case?

Bottomline, one is longing for a Romantic Relationship but the person she is eyeing to apparently does not mutually feel the same way. And so they seek for clarity and better understanding of the situation..

Here are some thoughts:

Honesty to Self, and the Courage to Communicate it: What is painful in life is the experience of insincerity of the people we trust and love. What is more detrimental is not being honest with ourselves. Though being a martyr has good reputations and being celebrated in our society, it also has its downsides especially for the self. Our pain and difficulty if not communicated could reside and adopt in our system, that when it is prolonged becomes a normal thing for us. But even if it seems to become normal, it is still Miserable. Hence, it is still a better choice to be Honest and be able to communicate it. For if you don’t, you’re just fooling yourself and especially the person whom you value. When it hurts, it hurts, a Good Friend will always understand it.

Respect Your Self: This I thought is of high importance. Respecting oneself is about acknowledging yourself. Acknowledging what is good for you and what is bad for you. Acknowledging that you deserve a Good relationship. Acknowledging that you will not settle for anything less. Acknowledging your emotions and that you deserve to be Happy. If you cannot respect yourself, who else will?

Be Clear about What is Important: I have mentioned about the Fear involved in this situation, and they were consistent to tell us that they are more scared to lose a good friend when the in-love part is out in the open. And so be Clear about what is more important for you in the relationship. Is it the friendship that you value most? or the next level of being in a Committed relationship? At this point, choose what is more important and have a stand on that choice. Because if it is the friendship, take Comfort that the guy sees you as such and a good one at that! Otherwise, if your intention is the committed relationship then it will be wise to let go and move on.

Letting it Go: Letting go may be difficult sometimes but sometimes its the best choice we can ever have in this life. Letting Go entails courage as well, the courage to change an idea or perception, and the courage to tame our emotions too. In this case, since the feelings are not mutually same, it is best to let go of the idea that you’re in-love with your bestfriend. Because sometimes its just that! A delusional romanticized thought of being in-love,-not-reciprocated,-being-a-martyr,-doing- whatever-it-takes-to-remain-in-love-and-ending-up-being-miserable-story. 

Take courage to accept that its not meant and believe that you are lovable enough, and that you will soon meet the mate that you deserve.

Love Your Self: Much of the insights above is really about loving yourself. Being honest to yourself, respecting yourself, having clarity for yourself, having the courage to accept what is and what is not, and letting go of the unnecessary things in your life is All about Loving yourself. For if you do not learn and acknowledge how to Love yourself, the relationships that you will encounter will treat you with the same magnitude. It will help to read the insight about “Love Yourself More” from Part I above. Most importantly, believe that you are a Lovable human being and recognize your True Positive qualities. Condition your mind with those positive thoughts for they have energy and it shall manifest in your life. And bottomline, and you will be surprised, that there are a lot of better selection of potential mates. Sometimes you just have to open your eyes and look for the attraction signals they give you. 

Our thoughts about ourselves have energy and is subconsciously felt by people around us.

Book of Answers: SEEK OUT MORE OPTIONS

Part I. The ”I Need a New Love:”

One of the memorable encounter we’ve had is from this fine lady who’s been in a recently ended relationship and is now longing for a new one. Her energy is that of power. However there was a concealed energy that she was emanating, you can sense the unhappiness within. Apparently, she just ended a relationship but her sorrow did not actually come from a result of that breakup. On the contrary, her previous relationship before that has caused much pain and trauma. Her resolve was to enter into a new one as a healing process but that even caused more Unhappiness to her.

I’m sure some could relate to this story, thinking that jumping into a new relationship could cure the loneliness or sadness as a result of a likened hang-over from a previous one. But lo and behold, it just worsened the situation. She did not just prolonged the agony but shared and inflicted another suffering to a new person that she invited in her life.

This is what happens when we do not completely deal and heal from a previous failed relationship. Failure from an intense love relationship can give us equally intense emotions. Such as self-pity, low self worth, self hatred, anger, bitterness, revenge, insomnia or categorically speaking the broken heart disease.

So how does one pick the self again when we are faced with this burdensome situation and move on from the Unhappiness? Firstly, refrain from entering into a new relationship or at least not yet until the coast is clear (mentally & emotionally) for you. 

Here are some thoughts:

Forgiveness: every person in a failed relationship would fall into the game of Blame, either blaming the other person for the mistakes made or worst yet blaming yourself for not being able to keep it together. When the negative or destructive emotions take into effect, it will be best to catch yourself soonest not to make things worst. Thus Forgiveness is a better choice..

To borrow a line, Forgive the person for not turning out the way you wanted him/her to be. Forgive the other person for it takes two to tango, and accept the fact that you are a contributor to the failure of the relationship. And most especially, Forgive yourself for whatever mistakes and failures that are running in your head. What is important is you recognize the mistakes and let them serve us lessons & learnings that hopefully you wouldn’t repeat again. And recognize that you have done your best at that point in your life and you allowed yourself to Love wholeheartedly. For it is not gonna hurt that much if you didn’t allow yourself to Love intensely. And lastly, forgive the past for it is over and done with, realize that what you only have is right now and you can make better choices now. Doesn’t it feels much better when you forgive?

You can say this as a mantra: “I forgive you for not turning out the way i wanted you to be..”

Love Yourself More: Sometimes the best Revenge is to love yourself even more. However, what i mean here about loving yourself more is refraining yourself from thinking defeating, disempowering or pity thoughts about yourself. Otherwise, what you think, you energize and people will sense that. Instead make an effort to think the exact opposite, better yet list down all the positive qualities that you have. For you to be desired and be lovable, you have to start believing that you deserve that as well. You have to be truly honest and accepting of what it is that is desirable or lovable about you. Once those positive truths about you emerges and conditions the mind couple that with your positive actions and choices, you’ll be surprised that the energy you are emanating is that of attractivess and beauty. And hopefully you’ll be alert enough to recognize a potential mate that you’ll attract. 

Your past relationship is not going to be the same in the next, if it does, then you haven’t grown out of your old patterns.

Book of Answers: LISTEN MORE CAREFULLY; THEN YOU WILL KNOW