Part II. The “I Love You Bestfriend, but He Doesn’t Know:”

This is a cute one, we’ve encountered a lot of guy-girl friendships and there are various similarities of stories. Example of which is there is one who falls in love with the other, and a relative amount of them are girls who fall in the category of the one smitten. They are exciting and fun to watch, how close their friendships really are, how one conceals the in-love emotions, and how the other one is clueless about it or just really in denial of it.

The Pain would normally occur when the guy shares a Love interest story about another girl, seemingly disregarding the feelings of the one “in-love.” The girl in-love would then feel the pain of not having a mutual feeling from the good friend. Since the feelings are concealed the guy will end up wondering why the relationship turned sour at that point. However, much of these emotions are not spoken and communicated.

However cute it is to observe, there is a big chunk of Unhappiness and Confusion in the air especially from the one smitten. They were open enough to share their lives and the confusions of their situations. Much of where they are coming from is Fear, fear of rejection and losing a good friend. However what is unsettling for these youth is how they are nurturing the Unhappiness of a Love unreciprocated, or is it really the case?

Bottomline, one is longing for a Romantic Relationship but the person she is eyeing to apparently does not mutually feel the same way. And so they seek for clarity and better understanding of the situation..

Here are some thoughts:

Honesty to Self, and the Courage to Communicate it: What is painful in life is the experience of insincerity of the people we trust and love. What is more detrimental is not being honest with ourselves. Though being a martyr has good reputations and being celebrated in our society, it also has its downsides especially for the self. Our pain and difficulty if not communicated could reside and adopt in our system, that when it is prolonged becomes a normal thing for us. But even if it seems to become normal, it is still Miserable. Hence, it is still a better choice to be Honest and be able to communicate it. For if you don’t, you’re just fooling yourself and especially the person whom you value. When it hurts, it hurts, a Good Friend will always understand it.

Respect Your Self: This I thought is of high importance. Respecting oneself is about acknowledging yourself. Acknowledging what is good for you and what is bad for you. Acknowledging that you deserve a Good relationship. Acknowledging that you will not settle for anything less. Acknowledging your emotions and that you deserve to be Happy. If you cannot respect yourself, who else will?

Be Clear about What is Important: I have mentioned about the Fear involved in this situation, and they were consistent to tell us that they are more scared to lose a good friend when the in-love part is out in the open. And so be Clear about what is more important for you in the relationship. Is it the friendship that you value most? or the next level of being in a Committed relationship? At this point, choose what is more important and have a stand on that choice. Because if it is the friendship, take Comfort that the guy sees you as such and a good one at that! Otherwise, if your intention is the committed relationship then it will be wise to let go and move on.

Letting it Go: Letting go may be difficult sometimes but sometimes its the best choice we can ever have in this life. Letting Go entails courage as well, the courage to change an idea or perception, and the courage to tame our emotions too. In this case, since the feelings are not mutually same, it is best to let go of the idea that you’re in-love with your bestfriend. Because sometimes its just that! A delusional romanticized thought of being in-love,-not-reciprocated,-being-a-martyr,-doing- whatever-it-takes-to-remain-in-love-and-ending-up-being-miserable-story. 

Take courage to accept that its not meant and believe that you are lovable enough, and that you will soon meet the mate that you deserve.

Love Your Self: Much of the insights above is really about loving yourself. Being honest to yourself, respecting yourself, having clarity for yourself, having the courage to accept what is and what is not, and letting go of the unnecessary things in your life is All about Loving yourself. For if you do not learn and acknowledge how to Love yourself, the relationships that you will encounter will treat you with the same magnitude. It will help to read the insight about “Love Yourself More” from Part I above. Most importantly, believe that you are a Lovable human being and recognize your True Positive qualities. Condition your mind with those positive thoughts for they have energy and it shall manifest in your life. And bottomline, and you will be surprised, that there are a lot of better selection of potential mates. Sometimes you just have to open your eyes and look for the attraction signals they give you. 

Our thoughts about ourselves have energy and is subconsciously felt by people around us.

Book of Answers: SEEK OUT MORE OPTIONS

Part I. The ”I Need a New Love:”

One of the memorable encounter we’ve had is from this fine lady who’s been in a recently ended relationship and is now longing for a new one. Her energy is that of power. However there was a concealed energy that she was emanating, you can sense the unhappiness within. Apparently, she just ended a relationship but her sorrow did not actually come from a result of that breakup. On the contrary, her previous relationship before that has caused much pain and trauma. Her resolve was to enter into a new one as a healing process but that even caused more Unhappiness to her.

I’m sure some could relate to this story, thinking that jumping into a new relationship could cure the loneliness or sadness as a result of a likened hang-over from a previous one. But lo and behold, it just worsened the situation. She did not just prolonged the agony but shared and inflicted another suffering to a new person that she invited in her life.

This is what happens when we do not completely deal and heal from a previous failed relationship. Failure from an intense love relationship can give us equally intense emotions. Such as self-pity, low self worth, self hatred, anger, bitterness, revenge, insomnia or categorically speaking the broken heart disease.

So how does one pick the self again when we are faced with this burdensome situation and move on from the Unhappiness? Firstly, refrain from entering into a new relationship or at least not yet until the coast is clear (mentally & emotionally) for you. 

Here are some thoughts:

Forgiveness: every person in a failed relationship would fall into the game of Blame, either blaming the other person for the mistakes made or worst yet blaming yourself for not being able to keep it together. When the negative or destructive emotions take into effect, it will be best to catch yourself soonest not to make things worst. Thus Forgiveness is a better choice..

To borrow a line, Forgive the person for not turning out the way you wanted him/her to be. Forgive the other person for it takes two to tango, and accept the fact that you are a contributor to the failure of the relationship. And most especially, Forgive yourself for whatever mistakes and failures that are running in your head. What is important is you recognize the mistakes and let them serve us lessons & learnings that hopefully you wouldn’t repeat again. And recognize that you have done your best at that point in your life and you allowed yourself to Love wholeheartedly. For it is not gonna hurt that much if you didn’t allow yourself to Love intensely. And lastly, forgive the past for it is over and done with, realize that what you only have is right now and you can make better choices now. Doesn’t it feels much better when you forgive?

You can say this as a mantra: “I forgive you for not turning out the way i wanted you to be..”

Love Yourself More: Sometimes the best Revenge is to love yourself even more. However, what i mean here about loving yourself more is refraining yourself from thinking defeating, disempowering or pity thoughts about yourself. Otherwise, what you think, you energize and people will sense that. Instead make an effort to think the exact opposite, better yet list down all the positive qualities that you have. For you to be desired and be lovable, you have to start believing that you deserve that as well. You have to be truly honest and accepting of what it is that is desirable or lovable about you. Once those positive truths about you emerges and conditions the mind couple that with your positive actions and choices, you’ll be surprised that the energy you are emanating is that of attractivess and beauty. And hopefully you’ll be alert enough to recognize a potential mate that you’ll attract. 

Your past relationship is not going to be the same in the next, if it does, then you haven’t grown out of your old patterns.

Book of Answers: LISTEN MORE CAREFULLY; THEN YOU WILL KNOW

….It’s true what they say that Love hurts

The intricacy of committing to it without expectation or agenda

The pain of rejection when you just want to support

The hurt of undeserved judgment when you just have pure intentions

The tragedy of envy from others when Love works for you

….In the face of pain and agony, why do I choose to Love?

When I can go the different way and leave them in their misery?

When it is easier not to care because they couldn’t care back?

When what you get in return is something you are not worthy of?

When all you’ve ever hoped for is for them to recognize that Love is the answer?

….Despite the difficulties, I choose to go back to Love

Where forgiveness sets me free

Where compassion becomes a cure for the pain and hurts

Where patience brings out hope for the troubles that it brings

Where tolerance and acceptance glues the indifferences…

…I trust in Love because everybody deserves to be

I trust in Love because there is so much pain already

I trust in Love because that’s the best I can give

I trust in Love because that’s the Greatest Power God has given us

I thrust with Love because it moves us to the Heavens that we deserve…

… So let us Love until it is Difficult NO more…

October 1, 2007

An older brother is in turmoil right now.. He is 33 years of age… Sad to realize that he has fallen in a feeling of betrayal again… I say again because this feeling started in his younger days… A trauma that is difficult to let go… And a recent situation has triggered him to fall back in the feeling of being victimized… But during these moments a lot of things will come as a surprise… Moments that will become opportunities for my brother and me… That at these points in our lives, a brother could indeed uplift a brother’s spirit… Within months of struggles and aches… Only an hour of lunch between brothers could ease the pain… With that hour of conversation, my brother is ready to face the world again… Prepared to triump and conquer his destiny and the abundance that he deserves… Ready to challenge his fears and slay the dragons in his mind… What propelled him to swing to the positive side at such a fast pace? I have come to realize that there are indeed a lot of changes to the present lives that we hold… In the norm, we would just ignore and pester each other up… And that, it is a sign of weakness to allow you to be beaten down by a situation… However this situation presented us a new fate… It showed me a chance to kindle a brotherhood that I’ve longed for… Where rivalries are put aside… And that just Love and Support could move brethren… That expressing Love is not at all corny as how we think it is… Instead Love could give Courage and Hope to the imminent future of our Lives…

HAPPINESS

Ahh… that ecstatic feeling!!!Such wonderful sensation that makes you feel all warm inside and having all the love flow inside your system, truly magnificent and builds an assurance that everything is working great in your life…

That’s exactly how I feel right now, its so much different writing about it and trying to put into words when all you want to write about can be put into a simple emoticon like this J !!!

I am one who is always in pursuit of understanding LIFE, what makes us who we are, what makes us tick, what brings us joy, what created our personalities, where did our values come from, what’s the essence of Catholicism, Buddhism, Kabbala, Taoism, Humanism, and etcetera, etcetera… and the more basics of all things, “How do we sustain HAPPINESS?”

I think everyone is in pursuit of this state.I know it can be difficult at times but everything we do in life is all about feeling this way.I’ve tried to simplify my goals in life, and it all boils down to being HAPPY!

The mind boggling and surprising of all is that when I am in this state, everything that I want in life is happening in fast pace.All the things that I visualized and imagined that would happen to me perfectly did just that, It happened.

I’m gonna try to tell you stories that has been happening and that has transpired in my life.I’ll be speaking of a lot of clichés right now but mind you the wisdom that can be drawn from it and once practiced can be very valuable in our everyday struggle…

1^st cliché:“HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE!”

Society made us feel we belong, but sometimes it also discriminates us because they try to project that we are never going to be happy unless we’ll have what they have.Like a car, a house, a six digit salary, a fulfilling career, and what I have been always asked lately, “a romantic relationship.”I do believe that these things can give us glee, but why should we be unhappy when we don’t have those things?

I just recently realized that I have a lot of things to be happy about.And what made me aware of these is because of a very simple practice.It’s all about “GRATITUDE!”Hah! How cliché is that!But it did work for me, I woke up one day and said thank you.I thought of things and just felt grateful and said thanks.It boosts my mood to a jolly state and just made my day…I never thought that a sincere THANK YOU could maneuver my day into sheer delight…

And I guess its just common sense.Should we choose to be miserable or happy?I hope you choose the latter, coz what good will it bring you if you chose otherwise di ba?Unless you are happy being miserable… then again that’s a different story…

2^nd cliché:“HAPPINESS IS IN THE DOING!”

A friend of mine wrote in a very small post-it and pasted it in my notebook, and read just that.Let’s hide her name by an alias of Ms. Kay Calpo.. haha… peace!Could it be cheesier than that!?!?Yeah let the cringe begin!

But philosophizing it could give you again, wisdom.I’d like to believe that we do things because it gives us happiness, but of course there are things that we do that we feel we don’t have a choice but to do it. And unfortunately we think that it is robbing us of our happiness.

Again it is a matter of common sense.Why would we do something that we know will not give us joy?Isn’t that being dishonest with ourselves?Who are we trying to please?Definitely not yourself…

Crazy right? But if we focus on the end result, and look back why we feel we sacrificed a lot and did what we did.There is a compelling reason.The root why we do things, looking at it deeply, we did it because the end result would give us happiness.

3^rd cliché:“HAPPINESS BELONGS TO THE SELF-SUFFICIENT!”

WOW PARE, DUDE BIGAT!!! That came from my good old friend ARISTOTLE, pasensya na kayo adik talaga sya…

But it makes sense right?We can only be grateful for the people who bring us happiness but if we build expectations from them, that could only give us a broken heart and worst is we begin to destroy that person and strip them of their own happiness.One piece of advice, don’t depend your happiness from another person because eventually that person will go away or die, and tell me where will that lead you?

A person is never beyond our control.Keep trying that and I could only interpret you as, SELFISH! pakshet…

I’ll end my clichés with those, coz all the hairs in my body and what is left in my head are all standing up and the goose bumps are starting to itch.. but let me quote my KUMPARES because they are the cringe masters and they make you puke like hell, but they’ve always left a smile in my face… here they are:

Claude Monet:

The richness I achieve comes from Nature, the source of my inspiration.

Buddha:

Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others.

Carl Jung:

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

Ecclesiastes:

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Felix Adler:

The truth which has made us free will in the end make us glad also.

Franklin D. Roosevelt:

Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.

George Burns:

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

HH the Dalai Lama:

When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.

Henry David Thoreau:

That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.

John D. Rockefeller:

I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.

Kalidasa:

Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!

Mark Twain:

Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.

Mohandas K. Gandhi:

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:

To fill the hour — that is happiness.

Sophocles:

Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness.

Thomas Jefferson:

But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life; and thanks to a benevolent arrangement of things, the greater part of life is sunshine.