BSL on Looking For Love: Part III: The “Just Friend Material:”
Part III: The “Just Friend Material:”
He’s an easy to get along with and downright funny Guy. Good looking, charming and a people’s man. His identity will remain anonymous but let me take this chance to acknowledge and thank him for bringing in his friends to our booth. Our experience of him is truly a memorable one for he has brought liveliness, fun and trust in our experience of the market encounter. He is trustworthy of being a good friend and a positive contributor to society. Thank you for sharing yourself to us.
Much as he is a positive man and it is really his greatest strength, like all of us, there will be something about us that we will doubt. And this brings me to my next story. Like this compilation’s theme, he is also out there in search of a Love relationship.
The dillemma goes something like this; a very friendly guy, loved by his friends, and having different networks of friends. He sets his eye on a girl that he likes, as the pursue progresses he would experience verbal or non-verbal rejection of the love offered. And most of the time he would get an answer: “We’re better off as friends.” And so, he takes it in, feel the pain, let it go and moves on to the next pursuit. The process is both respectable and gloomy.
The doubt kicks in after a failed number of pursuits. Doubting that he is not good enough for a relationship. The fear of rejection actually subsided due to the getting used to of the process. Hence, giving up is the easiest resort and just prepare for the next one that catches his eye. But that gives away another concealed fear of anticipating another fate of failure.
Going deeper to the root of all evil(rejections), we’ve unconvered another example of trauma. A trauma that has been lurking through his years and subconsciously playing the same pattern in his life. Apparently in the past, there was this very special girl that he pursued and because of broken agreements that has not been settled, it was internalized as not being treated special and worst, a belief of completely being rejected as a boyfriend material.
It is important to note however that the first act of rejection did not actually come directly from the other person. But the idea of rejection, again like most of us, is intensified by our own mind.
And so he humbly inquires for an opinion to hopefully gather a better understanding and seek out to reverse his fate of the pursuits.
Here are some thoughts:
Acceptance of Self: Like most rejections that we’ve encountered in the past, we tend to focus our attention on our selves and look for what is wrong in us. Since our mind is very clever it will always go down to a conclusion and find reasons to look down on ourself. However, there are events that we fail to recognize or overlooked which better explains why a particular consequence happened. But it is always easier to blame ourselves for not being good enough.
Part of being honest and respect to self is totally Accepting yourself. The humility to accept who we are not, what we don’t have and what we don’t know and cannot do. But the esteem to recognize and acknowledge who we are, what we are good at, what we confidently know, your good traits, your achievements, what you are capable of and what we can still achieve. It is our own responsibility to Accept and respect our own identity, so that others will consequently accept and respect you for who you are.
Love your Self: See Part I & II. Believe that you have the best traits of being a boyfriend or partner and your potential mate will actually feel and recognize that she is lucky to have you.
Changing Strategies: Sometimes though, the solution to pursuits such as this, especially for Men, simply put, is do a little twitching to the strategy. Like, if the friends-first, ligaw-later is not working anymore there might be an Off process somewhere. So you might want to look, assess and even research how to effectively sweep the girl off his feet much better than your previous style.
Follow Through: In our society, where we take pride of still having a conservative and christian culture. The hard-to-get character of women are still very rampant. That being the case, if you are clear about your intentions in loving a person and you’re openly honest with it. Allow yourself to confidently follow through with your intention. You’ll never know, like any hard-to-gets, they will raise their white flags eventually.
Book of Answers: PAY ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS
GIVE IT ALL YOU’VE GOT
DON’T IGNORE THE OBVIOUS
