BSL on Looking for Love: Part II. “I Love You Bestfriend, but He Doesn’t Know!”
Part II. The “I Love You Bestfriend, but He Doesn’t Know:”
This is a cute one, we’ve encountered a lot of guy-girl friendships and there are various similarities of stories. Example of which is there is one who falls in love with the other, and a relative amount of them are girls who fall in the category of the one smitten. They are exciting and fun to watch, how close their friendships really are, how one conceals the in-love emotions, and how the other one is clueless about it or just really in denial of it.
The Pain would normally occur when the guy shares a Love interest story about another girl, seemingly disregarding the feelings of the one “in-love.” The girl in-love would then feel the pain of not having a mutual feeling from the good friend. Since the feelings are concealed the guy will end up wondering why the relationship turned sour at that point. However, much of these emotions are not spoken and communicated.
However cute it is to observe, there is a big chunk of Unhappiness and Confusion in the air especially from the one smitten. They were open enough to share their lives and the confusions of their situations. Much of where they are coming from is Fear, fear of rejection and losing a good friend. However what is unsettling for these youth is how they are nurturing the Unhappiness of a Love unreciprocated, or is it really the case?
Bottomline, one is longing for a Romantic Relationship but the person she is eyeing to apparently does not mutually feel the same way. And so they seek for clarity and better understanding of the situation..
Here are some thoughts:
Honesty to Self, and the Courage to Communicate it: What is painful in life is the experience of insincerity of the people we trust and love. What is more detrimental is not being honest with ourselves. Though being a martyr has good reputations and being celebrated in our society, it also has its downsides especially for the self. Our pain and difficulty if not communicated could reside and adopt in our system, that when it is prolonged becomes a normal thing for us. But even if it seems to become normal, it is still Miserable. Hence, it is still a better choice to be Honest and be able to communicate it. For if you don’t, you’re just fooling yourself and especially the person whom you value. When it hurts, it hurts, a Good Friend will always understand it.
Respect Your Self: This I thought is of high importance. Respecting oneself is about acknowledging yourself. Acknowledging what is good for you and what is bad for you. Acknowledging that you deserve a Good relationship. Acknowledging that you will not settle for anything less. Acknowledging your emotions and that you deserve to be Happy. If you cannot respect yourself, who else will?
Be Clear about What is Important: I have mentioned about the Fear involved in this situation, and they were consistent to tell us that they are more scared to lose a good friend when the in-love part is out in the open. And so be Clear about what is more important for you in the relationship. Is it the friendship that you value most? or the next level of being in a Committed relationship? At this point, choose what is more important and have a stand on that choice. Because if it is the friendship, take Comfort that the guy sees you as such and a good one at that! Otherwise, if your intention is the committed relationship then it will be wise to let go and move on.
Letting it Go: Letting go may be difficult sometimes but sometimes its the best choice we can ever have in this life. Letting Go entails courage as well, the courage to change an idea or perception, and the courage to tame our emotions too. In this case, since the feelings are not mutually same, it is best to let go of the idea that you’re in-love with your bestfriend. Because sometimes its just that! A delusional romanticized thought of being in-love,-not-reciprocated,-being-a-martyr,-doing- whatever-it-takes-to-remain-in-love-and-ending-up-being-miserable-story.
Take courage to accept that its not meant and believe that you are lovable enough, and that you will soon meet the mate that you deserve.
Love Your Self: Much of the insights above is really about loving yourself. Being honest to yourself, respecting yourself, having clarity for yourself, having the courage to accept what is and what is not, and letting go of the unnecessary things in your life is All about Loving yourself. For if you do not learn and acknowledge how to Love yourself, the relationships that you will encounter will treat you with the same magnitude. It will help to read the insight about “Love Yourself More” from Part I above. Most importantly, believe that you are a Lovable human being and recognize your True Positive qualities. Condition your mind with those positive thoughts for they have energy and it shall manifest in your life. And bottomline, and you will be surprised, that there are a lot of better selection of potential mates. Sometimes you just have to open your eyes and look for the attraction signals they give you.
Our thoughts about ourselves have energy and is subconsciously felt by people around us.
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