Part III: The “Just Friend Material:”

He’s an easy to get along with and downright funny Guy. Good looking, charming and a people’s man. His identity will remain anonymous but let me take this chance to acknowledge and thank him for bringing in his friends to our booth. Our experience of him is truly a memorable one for he has brought liveliness, fun and trust in our experience of the market encounter. He is trustworthy of being a good friend and a positive contributor to society. Thank you for sharing yourself to us.

Much as he is a positive man and it is really his greatest strength, like all of us, there will be something about us that we will doubt. And this brings me to my next story. Like this compilation’s theme, he is also out there in search of a Love relationship.

The dillemma goes something like this; a very friendly guy, loved by his friends, and having different networks of friends. He sets his eye on a girl that he likes, as the pursue progresses he would experience verbal or non-verbal rejection of the love offered. And most of the time he would get an answer: “We’re better off as friends.” And so, he takes it in, feel the pain, let it go and moves on to the next pursuit. The process is both respectable and gloomy.

The doubt kicks in after a failed number of pursuits. Doubting that he is not good enough for a relationship. The fear of rejection actually subsided due to the getting used to of the process. Hence, giving up is the easiest resort and just prepare for the next one that catches his eye. But that gives away another concealed fear of anticipating another fate of failure.

Going deeper to the root of all evil(rejections), we’ve unconvered another example of trauma. A trauma that has been lurking through his years and subconsciously playing the same pattern in his life. Apparently in the past, there was this very special girl that he pursued and because of broken agreements that has not been settled, it was internalized as not being treated special and worst, a belief of completely being rejected as a boyfriend material.

It is important to note however that the first act of rejection did not actually come directly from the other person. But the idea of rejection, again like most of us, is intensified by our own mind.

And so he humbly inquires for an opinion to hopefully gather a better understanding and seek out to reverse his fate of the pursuits.

Here are some thoughts:

Acceptance of Self: Like most rejections that we’ve encountered in the past, we tend to focus our attention on our selves and look for what is wrong in us. Since our mind is very clever it will always go down to a conclusion and find reasons to look down on ourself. However, there are events that we fail to recognize or overlooked which better explains why a particular consequence happened. But it is always easier to blame ourselves for not being good enough.

Part of being honest and respect to self is totally Accepting yourself. The humility to accept who we are not, what we don’t have and what we don’t know and cannot do. But the esteem to recognize and acknowledge who we are, what we are good at, what we confidently know, your good traits, your achievements, what you are capable of and what we can still achieve. It is our own responsibility to Accept and respect our own identity, so that others will consequently accept and respect you for who you are.

Love your Self: See Part I & II. Believe that you have the best traits of being a boyfriend or partner and your potential mate will actually feel and recognize that she is lucky to have you.

Changing Strategies: Sometimes though, the solution to pursuits such as this, especially for Men, simply put, is do a little twitching to the strategy.  Like, if the friends-first, ligaw-later is not working anymore there might be an Off process somewhere. So you might want to look, assess and even research how to effectively sweep the girl off his feet much better than your previous style. 

Follow Through: In our society, where we take pride of still having a conservative and christian culture. The hard-to-get character of women are still very rampant. That being the case, if you are clear about your intentions in loving a person and you’re openly honest with it. Allow yourself to confidently follow through with your intention. You’ll never know, like any hard-to-gets, they will raise their white flags eventually. 

Book of Answers: PAY ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS

GIVE IT ALL YOU’VE GOT

DON’T IGNORE THE OBVIOUS

Part II. The “I Love You Bestfriend, but He Doesn’t Know:”

This is a cute one, we’ve encountered a lot of guy-girl friendships and there are various similarities of stories. Example of which is there is one who falls in love with the other, and a relative amount of them are girls who fall in the category of the one smitten. They are exciting and fun to watch, how close their friendships really are, how one conceals the in-love emotions, and how the other one is clueless about it or just really in denial of it.

The Pain would normally occur when the guy shares a Love interest story about another girl, seemingly disregarding the feelings of the one “in-love.” The girl in-love would then feel the pain of not having a mutual feeling from the good friend. Since the feelings are concealed the guy will end up wondering why the relationship turned sour at that point. However, much of these emotions are not spoken and communicated.

However cute it is to observe, there is a big chunk of Unhappiness and Confusion in the air especially from the one smitten. They were open enough to share their lives and the confusions of their situations. Much of where they are coming from is Fear, fear of rejection and losing a good friend. However what is unsettling for these youth is how they are nurturing the Unhappiness of a Love unreciprocated, or is it really the case?

Bottomline, one is longing for a Romantic Relationship but the person she is eyeing to apparently does not mutually feel the same way. And so they seek for clarity and better understanding of the situation..

Here are some thoughts:

Honesty to Self, and the Courage to Communicate it: What is painful in life is the experience of insincerity of the people we trust and love. What is more detrimental is not being honest with ourselves. Though being a martyr has good reputations and being celebrated in our society, it also has its downsides especially for the self. Our pain and difficulty if not communicated could reside and adopt in our system, that when it is prolonged becomes a normal thing for us. But even if it seems to become normal, it is still Miserable. Hence, it is still a better choice to be Honest and be able to communicate it. For if you don’t, you’re just fooling yourself and especially the person whom you value. When it hurts, it hurts, a Good Friend will always understand it.

Respect Your Self: This I thought is of high importance. Respecting oneself is about acknowledging yourself. Acknowledging what is good for you and what is bad for you. Acknowledging that you deserve a Good relationship. Acknowledging that you will not settle for anything less. Acknowledging your emotions and that you deserve to be Happy. If you cannot respect yourself, who else will?

Be Clear about What is Important: I have mentioned about the Fear involved in this situation, and they were consistent to tell us that they are more scared to lose a good friend when the in-love part is out in the open. And so be Clear about what is more important for you in the relationship. Is it the friendship that you value most? or the next level of being in a Committed relationship? At this point, choose what is more important and have a stand on that choice. Because if it is the friendship, take Comfort that the guy sees you as such and a good one at that! Otherwise, if your intention is the committed relationship then it will be wise to let go and move on.

Letting it Go: Letting go may be difficult sometimes but sometimes its the best choice we can ever have in this life. Letting Go entails courage as well, the courage to change an idea or perception, and the courage to tame our emotions too. In this case, since the feelings are not mutually same, it is best to let go of the idea that you’re in-love with your bestfriend. Because sometimes its just that! A delusional romanticized thought of being in-love,-not-reciprocated,-being-a-martyr,-doing- whatever-it-takes-to-remain-in-love-and-ending-up-being-miserable-story. 

Take courage to accept that its not meant and believe that you are lovable enough, and that you will soon meet the mate that you deserve.

Love Your Self: Much of the insights above is really about loving yourself. Being honest to yourself, respecting yourself, having clarity for yourself, having the courage to accept what is and what is not, and letting go of the unnecessary things in your life is All about Loving yourself. For if you do not learn and acknowledge how to Love yourself, the relationships that you will encounter will treat you with the same magnitude. It will help to read the insight about “Love Yourself More” from Part I above. Most importantly, believe that you are a Lovable human being and recognize your True Positive qualities. Condition your mind with those positive thoughts for they have energy and it shall manifest in your life. And bottomline, and you will be surprised, that there are a lot of better selection of potential mates. Sometimes you just have to open your eyes and look for the attraction signals they give you. 

Our thoughts about ourselves have energy and is subconsciously felt by people around us.

Book of Answers: SEEK OUT MORE OPTIONS

Part I. The ”I Need a New Love:”

One of the memorable encounter we’ve had is from this fine lady who’s been in a recently ended relationship and is now longing for a new one. Her energy is that of power. However there was a concealed energy that she was emanating, you can sense the unhappiness within. Apparently, she just ended a relationship but her sorrow did not actually come from a result of that breakup. On the contrary, her previous relationship before that has caused much pain and trauma. Her resolve was to enter into a new one as a healing process but that even caused more Unhappiness to her.

I’m sure some could relate to this story, thinking that jumping into a new relationship could cure the loneliness or sadness as a result of a likened hang-over from a previous one. But lo and behold, it just worsened the situation. She did not just prolonged the agony but shared and inflicted another suffering to a new person that she invited in her life.

This is what happens when we do not completely deal and heal from a previous failed relationship. Failure from an intense love relationship can give us equally intense emotions. Such as self-pity, low self worth, self hatred, anger, bitterness, revenge, insomnia or categorically speaking the broken heart disease.

So how does one pick the self again when we are faced with this burdensome situation and move on from the Unhappiness? Firstly, refrain from entering into a new relationship or at least not yet until the coast is clear (mentally & emotionally) for you. 

Here are some thoughts:

Forgiveness: every person in a failed relationship would fall into the game of Blame, either blaming the other person for the mistakes made or worst yet blaming yourself for not being able to keep it together. When the negative or destructive emotions take into effect, it will be best to catch yourself soonest not to make things worst. Thus Forgiveness is a better choice..

To borrow a line, Forgive the person for not turning out the way you wanted him/her to be. Forgive the other person for it takes two to tango, and accept the fact that you are a contributor to the failure of the relationship. And most especially, Forgive yourself for whatever mistakes and failures that are running in your head. What is important is you recognize the mistakes and let them serve us lessons & learnings that hopefully you wouldn’t repeat again. And recognize that you have done your best at that point in your life and you allowed yourself to Love wholeheartedly. For it is not gonna hurt that much if you didn’t allow yourself to Love intensely. And lastly, forgive the past for it is over and done with, realize that what you only have is right now and you can make better choices now. Doesn’t it feels much better when you forgive?

You can say this as a mantra: “I forgive you for not turning out the way i wanted you to be..”

Love Yourself More: Sometimes the best Revenge is to love yourself even more. However, what i mean here about loving yourself more is refraining yourself from thinking defeating, disempowering or pity thoughts about yourself. Otherwise, what you think, you energize and people will sense that. Instead make an effort to think the exact opposite, better yet list down all the positive qualities that you have. For you to be desired and be lovable, you have to start believing that you deserve that as well. You have to be truly honest and accepting of what it is that is desirable or lovable about you. Once those positive truths about you emerges and conditions the mind couple that with your positive actions and choices, you’ll be surprised that the energy you are emanating is that of attractivess and beauty. And hopefully you’ll be alert enough to recognize a potential mate that you’ll attract. 

Your past relationship is not going to be the same in the next, if it does, then you haven’t grown out of your old patterns.

Book of Answers: LISTEN MORE CAREFULLY; THEN YOU WILL KNOW

MARKET ENCOUNTER ENTRIES:

Panagbenga 2009, Baguio City

We’ve gathered interesting stories, or rather all of the stories shared with us are interesting, and we came up with entries to relive the experience and some food for thoughts to go with it. Hopefully these will remind you of the engaging conversations we had and the clarities you achieved. Not to worry though for your identities will remain anonymous. 

We’ve categorized each conversation, thus you can expect more entries to come that would hopefully suit your interest.

BadSunLtd on LOOKING FOR LOVE:

One of our bestsellers is the CELTIC HEART, a representation of our endless capacity to Love in a relationship or a symbolism of birth and rebirth of our Love. It is an astonishing recognition that the longingness to belong to a Romantic Relationship has become a high priority to our society as a source of Happiness. However, because of this longingness as well, Unhappiness became an evident result in our lives.

Some of the people we’ve met have been in a past or ended relationship and some are just about ready and desiring a romantic relationship. But bottomline they want to enter into one. Love relationships has many topics where we can drill upon, but let’s focus this entry to those who are wanting to ENTER into a Romantic Relationship.

….It’s true what they say that Love hurts

The intricacy of committing to it without expectation or agenda

The pain of rejection when you just want to support

The hurt of undeserved judgment when you just have pure intentions

The tragedy of envy from others when Love works for you

….In the face of pain and agony, why do I choose to Love?

When I can go the different way and leave them in their misery?

When it is easier not to care because they couldn’t care back?

When what you get in return is something you are not worthy of?

When all you’ve ever hoped for is for them to recognize that Love is the answer?

….Despite the difficulties, I choose to go back to Love

Where forgiveness sets me free

Where compassion becomes a cure for the pain and hurts

Where patience brings out hope for the troubles that it brings

Where tolerance and acceptance glues the indifferences…

…I trust in Love because everybody deserves to be

I trust in Love because there is so much pain already

I trust in Love because that’s the best I can give

I trust in Love because that’s the Greatest Power God has given us

I thrust with Love because it moves us to the Heavens that we deserve…

… So let us Love until it is Difficult NO more…

October 1, 2007

An older brother is in turmoil right now.. He is 33 years of age… Sad to realize that he has fallen in a feeling of betrayal again… I say again because this feeling started in his younger days… A trauma that is difficult to let go… And a recent situation has triggered him to fall back in the feeling of being victimized… But during these moments a lot of things will come as a surprise… Moments that will become opportunities for my brother and me… That at these points in our lives, a brother could indeed uplift a brother’s spirit… Within months of struggles and aches… Only an hour of lunch between brothers could ease the pain… With that hour of conversation, my brother is ready to face the world again… Prepared to triump and conquer his destiny and the abundance that he deserves… Ready to challenge his fears and slay the dragons in his mind… What propelled him to swing to the positive side at such a fast pace? I have come to realize that there are indeed a lot of changes to the present lives that we hold… In the norm, we would just ignore and pester each other up… And that, it is a sign of weakness to allow you to be beaten down by a situation… However this situation presented us a new fate… It showed me a chance to kindle a brotherhood that I’ve longed for… Where rivalries are put aside… And that just Love and Support could move brethren… That expressing Love is not at all corny as how we think it is… Instead Love could give Courage and Hope to the imminent future of our Lives…

During my past jobs in the past years, I’d get colds once in a month or two. Being a workaholic really has its negative effects in our bodies. Getting sick is always a sign that there is something wrong with how our mind is functioning, or how it is operating (or sometimes we deliberately wish to get sick just to have an escape with the busy life that we are living in). We work very hard to achieve our tasks but our tasks just seem to pile up every time; leaving us with so little time to relax and take care of our body.

We might not be aware of this but the state of our mind or thinking causes our sickness or diseases.

To give you an example, Colds is a sign that our mind is experiencing too much going on at once, or we have a mental confusion or disorder. I normally get colds when I have a lot of things to accomplish in my hands. I am overwhelmed by too many projects and the anxiety of achieving all the target dates. As a result, I end up in bed feeling cranky and sore but no other choice but to lie down and get a good rest.

Yeah multitasking is a great deed but sometimes it leaves us to be unfocused with our deliverables and priorities. I am sure that most of us are juggling more than one priority in our lives and by not accomplishing all of them we end up unfulfilled and unsatisfied with ourselves. Sometimes we just have to pause and regroup to keep us on the right track.

I discovered how Great the mind is again, that it is actually the source of my disease and it can be the remedy to my dis-ease… Going back to Colds, since the cause of this is confusion and disorder in my life, I see to it that I STOP and meditate to keep me on track. I follow a mantra, that goes:

“I allow my mind to relax and be at peace. Clarity and harmony are within
me and around me.”

Once I get that relaxation, all solutions and activities to my priorities falls back in sequence and gives me sight on how to accomplish everything. Sometimes anxiety gives me a roadblock but I fight it and let all the fear stop and just focus on myself for awhile. This process doesn’t take that long, you can a lot an hour of your day to do this, and know that you deserve this time of break. And in so doing, the clarity flows through me and the struggle stops leaving me less colds every year or should it attack me I get to heal myself fastest time possible.

Here are some of the common diseases that we experience, its cause and how you can help heal yourself by the power of your mind or simply changing your mental pattern:

Stomach Problems:
Probable cause: the stomach is the entity of the body that holds nourishment and digesting ideas. Problems arises in this area when there is dread, fear of the new, the inability to assimilate the new.
New thought pattern: I digest life with ease. Life agrees with me. I assimilate the new every moment of every day. All is well.

Teeth Problems:
Probable cause: represents decisions. Longstanding indecisiveness. Inability to break down ideas for analysis and decisions.
New thought pattern: I make my decisions based on the principles of truth, and I rest securely knowing that only Right Action is taking place in my life.

Blood Pressure:
Probable cause: Represents joy in the body, flowing freely
HIGH: Longstanding emotional problem not solved.
LOW: Lack of Love as a child. Defeatism. What’s the use; it won’t work anyway.
New thought pattern:
HIGH: I joyously release the past. I am at peace.
LOW: I now choose to live in the ever-joyous NOW. My life is JOY.

Heart: Represents the center of love and security.
Probable cause:
PROBLEMS: Longstanding emotional problems. Lack of joy, hardening of the heart. Belief in strain and stress.
ATTACK: Squeezing all the joy out of the heart in favor of money or position, etc.
New thought pattern:
PROBLEMS: Joy, Joy. Joy. I lovingly allow joy to flow through my mind and body and experience.
ATTACK: I bring Joy back to the center of my heart. I express love to all.

Addictions:
Probable cause: Running from the self. Fear. Not knowing how to love the self.
New thought pattern: I now discover how wonderful I am, I choose to love and enjoy myself.

Cancer:
Probable cause: Deep hurt. Longstanding resentment. Deep secret or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatreds. What’s the use.
New thought pattern: I lovingly forgive and release all of the past. I choose to fill my world with joy. I love and approve myself.

Venereal Disease:
Probable cause: Sexual guilt. Need for punishment. Belief that the genitals are sinful or dirty. Abusing another.
New thought pattern: I lovingly and joyously accept my sexuality and its expression. I accept only thoughts that support me and make me feel good.

these are some of my favorite advice adoptations from remarkably accomplished people.. they’re a source of inspiration and mentorship, it is a good thing that they were able to share their ways on how they were able to achieve their success in life. if you want a good compilation of the advices of these remarkable people, look for the book Success edited by: J. Pincott..

For some poeple, success is simply defined: it’s the act of accomplishing something one has set to do. But finishing something isn’t always the same as being succesful at it. For many, success also implies meaningfulness and magnitude. Almost every person has his or her own definition of success - and many of these definitions are anything but definite.

it is worthwhile to think about what success means to you and what it means to others. and it’s up to you to decide if you want the latter to influence the former.

to me success is the ability to LOVE and to have COMPASSION. it’s
the capacity to experience joy and spread it to others. It’s the security
of knowing that your life has meaning and purpose. it is a sense of
connection to the creative power of the universe. it’s also the ability to
fulfill your goals. it’s the progressive realisation of worthy
goals. it’s also the expansion of happiness. when you have all that,
then material success in terms of material acquisitions and comforts and luxury,
follows as a by-product.

–deepak chopra, writer, medical doctor, and CEO of the Chopra
Center

I’d rather be a failure at something i enjoy than be a success at something i hate..

–goerge burns, actor and comedian

Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. when you do a thing, do it with all your might. put your soul into it. stamp it with your own personality. be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your objective. nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

–ralph waldo emerson, poet and philosopher

i thought i was going to make crazy cartoons for the rest of my life. i didn’t think i’d ever get paid for it, didn’t think i drew well enough, but i knew it made me happy.

–matt groening, creator of the simpsons

my boyfriend was moving to manchester and wanted me to move, too. it was during the train journey back from manchester to london, after a weekend looking for a flat, that harry potter made his appearance. i have never felt such a huge rush of excitement. i knew immediately that this was going to be such fun to write… i didnt know then that it was going to be a book for children - i just knew that i had this boy, harry. during that journey i also discovered ron, nearly headless nick, hagrid, and peeves. but with the idea of my life careering round my head, i didn’t have a pen that worked! and i never went anywhere without a pen and notebook. so, rather than trying to write it, i had to think it. and i think that was a very good thing. i was besieged by a mass of detail and if it didn’t survive that journey it probably wasn’t worth remembering.

–joann kathleen (J.K.) rowling, writer

it [e-mail] was a hack - a neat thing to try out… it probably took four, five, six hours to do. less than a day spread over a week or two - when i had a spare moment.

–ray tomlinson, inventor of email, computer scientist

don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.

–thomas j. watson, founder of IBM

there is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; ommitted, all the voyage of their life, is bound in shallows and in miseries, on such a full sea are we now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures.

–william shakespeare, playwright, in julius ceasar

our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. there is no other route to success

–pablo picasso, artist

give me a stock clerk with a goal and i’ll give you a man who will make history. give me a man with no goals and i’ll give you a stock clerk.

–james cash penney, fonder of J.C. Penney

a man has to have goals - for a day, for a lifetime - and that was mine, to have people say, “there goes ted williams, the greatest hitter who ever lived.”

–ted williams, baseball player

my goal is simple, it is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all..

–stephen hawking, physicist

consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.

–pope john xxiii

goals are dreams with deadlines

–diana scharf hunt, aphorist

Did you ever watch your colleagues at work about how they start their day? People watching has always been an entertainment for me (..mind you, it’s a great form of amusement especially when coworkers play pretend early in the morning..) and I get a good kick for the laughs that they give me.

I remember this colleague of mine who’s very quirky and gets to be so OC (Organized Chaos, not Obsessive Complusive) in the early stages of the morning. you’d find him rushing sometimes at the start of the day setting up his laptop in his desk, and in a minute he’ll be going through all the files in his desk and as if he found the file that he needed, he’ll leave them where he picked them up and then go to the pantry to get his coffee… When he goes back to his chair, he’ll pick-up the newspaper and starts reading the “entertainment” section. After which, he’d open his internet explorer and browses through his Friendster account, hotmail, yahoo mail…and then opens up his MS Outlook, browsing through his emails… and then finally gets his planner and then writes down his To Do List… and by the time he starts his first task for the day, its almost Lunch Break… And I think to myself “WOW!” What a way to be Organized and Productive!! NOT!! (I’m sure you’d think I wasn’t productive as well coz I just watched the whole morning.. well that was part of my plan for the day… I planned to have fun …)

But you see it is such a waste of time, not only for the person doing it but you are robbing the company of time and production as well! (I’m a Manager, I’m concerned about the company, Not!!! Well I’m concerned about the figures and the pressure to deliver them on time.. that’s for the company too…)

So this guy is supposedly a support for our team and clearly he supports me on getting my laughs everyday. But then again, seriously speaking, the goals of the company will not be met with this kind of time management. Tendencies will be the deliverables will not be given on time. I’m sure you’ve witnessed a lot of people in your work area who pretend that they are busy to seem that they are working hard. But looking at it objectively they didn’t do squat.

What I normally do when a day comes is that, I visualize my TO Dos the night before. What clothes to wear for the next day, what tasks to accomplish and achieve for the next day. What would be very effective is before you close your eyes and doze off to sleep is to write down your To Do List and rank them in terms of priorities; targeting the most difficult task first thing in the morning so that everything else will be peanuts for you for the rest of the day.

And as you do this, you will notice that your day becomes smooth and easy. We’d be more productive and efficient that it gives us more fulfillment and happiness for the day.

But don’t get me wrong I PRETEND as well, usually nearing the end of the day where I flip through my files pretending to read them, but actually just having fun putting them from one place to another and just return them to where they previously are. Or pretend to call for a meeting but just gossiping and talking about each other’s life. You see I have the luxury to do this because my major tasks for the day have been accomplished already…

So think in advance… gather your thoughts, organize your actions in your head for the next day and as you wake up and prepare for the day, you are already programmed to accomplish what you want …

expounds on the law of attraction… what goes on in your mind is  what most likely is coming your way. however convoluted it may seem, it actually simplifies and defines our circumstances in our lives.

on a negative note, it would appear that it teaches us to be self-centered in all our ideas about ourselves. that the universe conspires on whatever we want. the power is within us to manipulate our situations in the context that it will bring us joy and success. should we assess the message that it brings us with regard to achievement of what we want and deserve, possibilities are unlimited and can be attained.

but most importantly, the secret teaches us how to achieve our goals. It provides us with the greatest tool that we can use in every endeavor that we choose. the power of Positive Thinking, of being optimistic that what we desire will take shape. the only secret is to be happy and enthusiastic of our visions, and as the genie goes.. "your wish is my command." voila’ the universe shall present you the opportunity, and it will be within our choice should we take it or not.

in whatever obstacles that is being presented to us, i believe what is most important is our focus and perseverance. one should not be down trodden by the mishaps, instead let it be an opportunity to improve. make it an additional skill or wisdom to achieve that goal…

basically, i recommend this book with high ratings, it goes with a dvd and of course it has better visuals… but be warned, you will experience resistance with the new knowledge that it presents you. my advice, have an open mind… and try it! no harm in that, right?

HAPPINESS

Ahh… that ecstatic feeling!!!Such wonderful sensation that makes you feel all warm inside and having all the love flow inside your system, truly magnificent and builds an assurance that everything is working great in your life…

That’s exactly how I feel right now, its so much different writing about it and trying to put into words when all you want to write about can be put into a simple emoticon like this J !!!

I am one who is always in pursuit of understanding LIFE, what makes us who we are, what makes us tick, what brings us joy, what created our personalities, where did our values come from, what’s the essence of Catholicism, Buddhism, Kabbala, Taoism, Humanism, and etcetera, etcetera… and the more basics of all things, “How do we sustain HAPPINESS?”

I think everyone is in pursuit of this state.I know it can be difficult at times but everything we do in life is all about feeling this way.I’ve tried to simplify my goals in life, and it all boils down to being HAPPY!

The mind boggling and surprising of all is that when I am in this state, everything that I want in life is happening in fast pace.All the things that I visualized and imagined that would happen to me perfectly did just that, It happened.

I’m gonna try to tell you stories that has been happening and that has transpired in my life.I’ll be speaking of a lot of clichés right now but mind you the wisdom that can be drawn from it and once practiced can be very valuable in our everyday struggle…

1^st cliché:“HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE!”

Society made us feel we belong, but sometimes it also discriminates us because they try to project that we are never going to be happy unless we’ll have what they have.Like a car, a house, a six digit salary, a fulfilling career, and what I have been always asked lately, “a romantic relationship.”I do believe that these things can give us glee, but why should we be unhappy when we don’t have those things?

I just recently realized that I have a lot of things to be happy about.And what made me aware of these is because of a very simple practice.It’s all about “GRATITUDE!”Hah! How cliché is that!But it did work for me, I woke up one day and said thank you.I thought of things and just felt grateful and said thanks.It boosts my mood to a jolly state and just made my day…I never thought that a sincere THANK YOU could maneuver my day into sheer delight…

And I guess its just common sense.Should we choose to be miserable or happy?I hope you choose the latter, coz what good will it bring you if you chose otherwise di ba?Unless you are happy being miserable… then again that’s a different story…

2^nd cliché:“HAPPINESS IS IN THE DOING!”

A friend of mine wrote in a very small post-it and pasted it in my notebook, and read just that.Let’s hide her name by an alias of Ms. Kay Calpo.. haha… peace!Could it be cheesier than that!?!?Yeah let the cringe begin!

But philosophizing it could give you again, wisdom.I’d like to believe that we do things because it gives us happiness, but of course there are things that we do that we feel we don’t have a choice but to do it. And unfortunately we think that it is robbing us of our happiness.

Again it is a matter of common sense.Why would we do something that we know will not give us joy?Isn’t that being dishonest with ourselves?Who are we trying to please?Definitely not yourself…

Crazy right? But if we focus on the end result, and look back why we feel we sacrificed a lot and did what we did.There is a compelling reason.The root why we do things, looking at it deeply, we did it because the end result would give us happiness.

3^rd cliché:“HAPPINESS BELONGS TO THE SELF-SUFFICIENT!”

WOW PARE, DUDE BIGAT!!! That came from my good old friend ARISTOTLE, pasensya na kayo adik talaga sya…

But it makes sense right?We can only be grateful for the people who bring us happiness but if we build expectations from them, that could only give us a broken heart and worst is we begin to destroy that person and strip them of their own happiness.One piece of advice, don’t depend your happiness from another person because eventually that person will go away or die, and tell me where will that lead you?

A person is never beyond our control.Keep trying that and I could only interpret you as, SELFISH! pakshet…

I’ll end my clichés with those, coz all the hairs in my body and what is left in my head are all standing up and the goose bumps are starting to itch.. but let me quote my KUMPARES because they are the cringe masters and they make you puke like hell, but they’ve always left a smile in my face… here they are:

Claude Monet:

The richness I achieve comes from Nature, the source of my inspiration.

Buddha:

Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others.

Carl Jung:

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

Ecclesiastes:

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Felix Adler:

The truth which has made us free will in the end make us glad also.

Franklin D. Roosevelt:

Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.

George Burns:

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

HH the Dalai Lama:

When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.

Henry David Thoreau:

That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.

John D. Rockefeller:

I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.

Kalidasa:

Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!

Mark Twain:

Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.

Mohandas K. Gandhi:

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:

To fill the hour — that is happiness.

Sophocles:

Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness.

Thomas Jefferson:

But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life; and thanks to a benevolent arrangement of things, the greater part of life is sunshine.

LIFE COACH by: Coy Sta Maria

What is it? The internet describes life coaching as a process that entails working with a person and focusing on the client’s personal life to allow the client to excel by developing his/her latent competencies to it’s full potential.

It’s not psychotherapy - although both field works with the client’s personal life. The idea of having a life coach is for one’s goal to be re-directed & to be focused. Re-directing .. creating .. Imbibing the feeling.

Great words; but are these people powerful enough to actually redirect one’s perspective to be patterned to their kind of thinking? Hmm .. I don’t think so. Mine did not. In fact, one of my life coaches was never professionally committed to take on the task.

He was a friend who later became a buddy, a brother, consoler, taga libre ng kape & so on and so forth .. until I woke up one day and realized that he was not a savior, nor a saint but simply a friend who was challenged by me and my adversities and that his role was not to save but to comfort and to be a stilt for me to lean on.

Quoting his words; ‘my predicament looked like peanuts compared to yours’. If life coaching talked about tapping one’s best to reach one’s potential to be financially able then I can’t consider session’s with this guy as such. However, no amount of riches can equate the outcome he has given me bec. of these sessions.

Junathan, Badong, Bro, Koya - these are but some of the names everyone calls him. For me, I simply call him Joaquin - a person who I consider as one of the angels God has here on earth. He has this knack of borring into a person without stepping into one’s private turf.

Drawing out, that’s what he does best - for he believes that life’s answer to issues and challenges depend not in others but within oneself. Interesting ha? Wait till you get to talk to him. He has this way of asking nerve-racking question when you least expect; AS IN!!!

He’s simply not content in just peeking into one’s lives but opens the pandora box when he feels you’re comfortable enough. The odd thing though is despite not putting your guard down, you’ll ironically find yourself drawn and blessed by these sessions.

Huh? Profound? Nope. Simply put - if you’re one of those searching for clarity in life, seek him out - but if you’re aim is to just fish around and do mind-boggling games, I suggest you run fast cause he’ll see through you.

He’s not a creature nor a pest, like I said earlier he’s neither a saint nor a savior. He’s simply a person who’ll give you the time of day; someone who’ll go the extra mile of figuratively dragging a mirror in front of you to aid yourself sort through your tangled mess.

These description of who he is and what he has done to me doesn’t even come close in putting a mental picture of how special and how remarkable this person truly is. Wisdom drawer, career adviser, remarkable guy - add these all and I’ll only come up with one line to say:

This is how this life coach was and is to me. - an angel sent from above.